


Adam and Jules

by comfycozysweaters



Category: Troubleshooters Inc. - Suzanne Brockmann
Genre: M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comfycozysweaters/pseuds/comfycozysweaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A relationship is filled with defining moments both little and big, good and bad. Not everything is easy and not everything leads to happily ever after. Jules learned that the hard way with Adam Wyndham. </p>
<p>Collection of moments in Jules and Adam's relationship before, during, and after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Breakup

**Author's Note:**

> I am still fairly new to the Troubleshooters squad so if I get anything wrong please let me know!

It was after the trip to Jakarta that Jules's personal life took a nosedive. From one cesspit to another, his world crumbled and fell just surely as the nation after 9/11 (which, coincidentally, occurred mere months later). And just like the nation he knew he'd rally and turn around stronger than before, better off for finally putting an end to what had once been an amazing passion fueled romance but was more recently a miserable patch of jealousy and sabotage.    
  
But right now all he felt was anger. Burning and destructive it ate at his insides and switched his normally cool joking demeanor to a boiling temper that pushed him to enter a shouting match that could rival any he'd witnessed from the observation deck during a particularly brutal negotiation. His anger had not only surprised himself, but it had surprised Adam as well.    
  
Well good fucking riddance. His live-in boyfriend of two years had finally gotten Jules to blow his fuse and give up on him.   
  
The painful part being that Jules knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Adam could have him back if he had just apologized. That despite his anger and betrayal, Jules was still helplessly in love with him and would hold onto the thread of hope that he still meant something to Adam, ready to jump back into bed with him at the snap of those delicate fingers. That Adam knew this. That despite knowing this, he still walked out, walked away with his perky young boyfriend and ran off to LA, leaving Jules devastated and alone.    
  
Perhaps it was seeing Wildcard and Savannah Von Hopf so intensely smitten with each other after running around in the jungle hiding from terrorists, gun runners, and fuck all else Indonesia had to offer that made him realize his relationship with Adam was lacking. Maybe it was seeing Sam, unhappy and stuck in a loveless marriage that rang familiar in his heart and stayed his thumb, hovering over Adam's number hours after he'd kicked him out. Maybe it was the way Alyssa and Sam looked at each other, avoided each other, pretended to be nothing to each other as their hearts broke day in and day out that made Jules long for more than what he'd had for the past two years.   
  
Whatever it was that seeped into his mind during his latest mission, it stuck around long enough to keep him from turning desperately to the man he'd wasted two whole years on, begging to be taken back even though he was the one who had been wronged.   
  
Fuck Adam Wyndham.    
  
Jules had been so happy, so _eager_ , to see his boyfriend after his trip. It hadn't been a particularly long one or even trying, but seeing so many emotional reunions had made him long for his own. The doubts that plagued his mind begged to be put to rest and what better way than a surprise homecoming? He had it all planned out. A quick stop at the hotel and spa to freshen up, a daring trip to the florist, and then he'd be home, almost a full week earlier than he'd originally believed! He'd open the door and Adam, dear frustratingly handsome and still startlingly young Adam, would be so surprised his normally smooth talking mouth would fall open, speechless. They'd be on each other before he could say anything to spoil the mood and start on rekindling the romance that had been lacking as of late. No more sabotage brought on by Adam's insecurities, no more jealousy fueled by said hollow attempts at sabotage threatening to run them both ragged, and, Jesus God, no more blatant lying just to get Jules worked up enough to lose his temper!    
  
It'd be mind blowing sex followed by a long talk and a promise from them both to work on themselves. Adam would agree to stop instigating, to let them be happy, to keep his eyes from wandering and his silver tongue from manipulating Jules to the point where Jules had no clue who he even was at times with the decisions he'd make under his influence. And Jules would be home. More, earlier, often. His work would take a backseat to his relationship and even Alyssa would come second to Adam. He'd give up everything if Adam asked.    
  
Instead Jules had rapped on the door and it'd opened to a scene straight off of PornHub. Adam buried balls deep in the youthful posterior of a twink with a striking resemblance to himself, ya know if he were barely legal and a boyfriend stealing whore, right there on his couch. He supposed he should be flattered that Adam shacked up with someone who still looked like him, but all he could he feel was a cold pit settling in his stomach as those doubts reared their ugly heads to say _I told you so_.   
  
"What the hell is this." His voice had been so steady. Lock down. FBI agent mode. He could already feel his mind trying to compartmentalize and drop into Agent Cassidy to avoid the storm building inside of him. Just as it had every other time he and Adam had fought.   
  
An image of Sam and Mary Lou solemnly looking at each other in the gloom of their too perfect house shattered his resolve.    
  
Fuck that.   
  
As the twink covered themselves, embarrassed, and Adam casually leaned back waiting for the inevitable sarcastic jokes to come, eyes locked unwavering with Jules's as if to say 'What now,' Jules shut off his FBI training and let himself feel the anger and hurt and let it all come flooding to the surface. It must have twisted his face into something awful because almost immediately Adam's confidence dropped and he started apologizing, making excuses.   
  
God Bless his patience because he listened coolly to each one as he dropped the flowers and set his suitcase by the door. His heart was pounding and his pulse was racing. He felt too hot. His hands were shaking. Fuck he couldn't tell if he was going to cry or punch the wall.   
  
The twink was yelling at Adam. "You said he wasn't coming home for another week!"   
  
Adam ignored him. He was good at that, ignoring a problem someone cared about to focus on one he thought was more important. "J, I was going to tell you, I swear. I was going to do right by you, break up and all, but you never answer your phone when you're out of country and email seemed so impersonal." Fuck if he didn't actually sound remorseful. As if the worst of this was that he hadn't broken up with Jules first rather than the blow that whatever Jules had stumbled into had been on-going.    
  
The twink had shoved his pants on, a miracle considering how fucking tight they were, and slapped Adam's arm in indignation. "Do right by _him_? _Je_ sus, Adam, what am I? Chopped fucking liver?" Jules toed off his shoes. His feet were killing him.    
  
Adam was quick to appease his boy-toy. "No of course not babe! Why don't you gather your things while I take care of this, ok?" Things. He had things in Jules's apartment. How long had this been going on? Back to Jules now, hands up and eyes appeasing. Handling him like some problem instead of his fucking boyfriend of two fucking years. "J, you can't get mad, ok? We can talk about this. You and me. And I can explain. I swear." God even his voice was soft as if trying to calm a wild animal.   
  
"How long?" Jules had to hand it to himself, he was pretty good at being imposing in his small stature when he wanted to be. His voice wavered though and he had to clear his throat to keep from breaking down completely.   
  
Adam seemed relieved, as if this was a sign that things could be repaired. "Not long, babe, I swear." He had the audacity to look rueful. "This was a long time coming. Surely you know that. We've been drifting and with you being gone so often I just get lonely-"   
  
"How. Long." He hissed it through grit teeth. How dare he try to turn this into Jules's fault. How fucking dare he.   
  
Adam didn't miss a beat. "A month. But he didn't move in until you were gone. Until I knew it was over between us."   
  
A month.   
  
He'd still been state-side when it started.   
  
Adam was full of empty threats, flirtations meant to rile Jules up, comments that made him worry and doubt and jealous beyond belief. But they'd always been empty. Never intended to follow through. Until now apparently. Suddenly Jules wondered if Adam was truly prone to self sabotage, believing himself unworthy of affection to the point of driving anyone who showed so much as an ounce away, or if Adam had just been waiting for the right time.    
  
Or ass in this case.   
  
God the kid was younger than Adam had been when Jules perused him, intrigued and infatuated with the wannabe actor who spilled coffee on his tailored suit right before his first face to face meeting with Max Bhagat. He'd been so enamored he nearly forgot to change shirts before heading out. It was a steady chase, Jules determined to make his happily ever after with this beautiful man while Adam resolutely offered friendship and nothing more. It took weeks to get the young man to agree to a date, and even longer to make him believe it when Jules said "I love you." After that it was euphoria. Soulmates, he'd naively called them. Adam had moved in and for a while everything seemed perfect.   
  
Then the games had started. Mind games, emotional games, tests, you name it Adam played it and Jules was forced to play along or else lose the one thing he'd thought he'd never have as a gay man in the FBI. It was fine when they were all just that, games.   
  
But this?   
  
This was too much. Too real.   
  
Adam was still talking and the twink was back, a duffel and two suitcases ready. One was unmistakably Adam's. Despite himself, Jules felt a pang of sorrow at the the realization. He was leaving?    
  
He must have said that out loud because Adam answered, the twink laying a supportive hand on his shoulder. "To LA. You know I've wanted to move there for awhile and...," He shrugged trailing off as if to say 'what's a fella to do.' "Most of my stuff's already been shipped out. Brandford's got an apartment out there." Branford. What a fucking pretentious name. "I really wish you'd have called. We could have talked about this."   
  
This being his boyfriend moving some trustfund baby named Branford into their apartment, their home, while Jules was off saving the God damned world for all he knew and apparently making the move to LA as soon as he "did the right thing" and let Jules down easy.   
  
Well, sweetie, Jules wasn't the one who lost today. Jules was a God damned catch. Adam was lucky to lick the fucking salt off of his $140 oxfords.    
  
"Get out." His voice was barely a whisper, raw with hurt and anger, and he could see Adam cringe, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. He tried again. "Get out." Louder. More confident.   
  
Hell he even managed to look into Adam's eyes without bursting into tears right there.   
  
Adam and Branford were making a beeline for the door. When had Adam gotten dressed? Shit he was so outraged he hadn't even noticed. The twink gave him a wide berth as he skipped out. He actually had the audacity to smirk as if ruining one man's life was some kind of fucking reward! As Adam approached Jules stuck out his arm and hit him solidly in the chest, effectively blocking his exit. He looked up as he toed the door closed. "Not you."   
  
Adam looked offended.    
  
Went to protest.   
  
Jules steamrolled him, shoving him back and back and back until he had him against the opposite wall. For a second neither of them breathed. Electricity sparked between them and Jules felt the longing that had sustained this relationship rise at the feel of Adam’s hard body against his. It was mirrored in Adam’s eyes. His rage and indignation threatened to find a new outlet, one that would drag them both even further into this labyrinth of destruction they’d created, to drag out or even forget the impending fight. God if only it could be that easy.  As terrible a timing as it was, angry sex between them had always been amazing and he had to work to remove himself and turn into the kitchen to finally set his keys down. His palms were marked with indentations he'd been holding them so hard.   
  
"Shit, babe." Adam actually sounded concerned. Came to him as if none of that had happened. As if this had really been another test and Jules had passed by throwing his lover out and not him. As if Jules’s clear attraction was all the validation he needed to drop Branford and stick to the FBI agent. It made Jules sick.   
  
Mostly because he knew he'd accept that and accept Adam if this were any other day. But it wasn't and Alyssa, Sam, Mary Lou, Karmody, and Savannah were still firmly locked in his head.    
  
And that's when he let go. The moment Adam touched his hand it was all he could do to keep from reeling back and punching him in his perfect jaw. Instead he shoved him back again and started shouting. It was a blur honestly. The whole fight. Grievances and thoughts he'd kept bottled up for so long in hopes that he was just being silly spilled out and flooded the air between them. Adam wasn't quiet either. He gave just as good as he got. They paced the entire apartment rehashing old arguments and bleeding out onto the laminated wood flooring until there was nothing but dead air between them.    
  
Adam yelled about how controlling he could be, how possessive and suffocating he was, how he was never home and how that scared the ever living hell out of him just waiting to hear if he'd been injured or killed. His school boy crush on his boss. Alyssa. All these things that put his job before Adam. Jules shot back that he'd had enough of the games, that if he was possessive it was because Adam made him that way with his threats of infidelity, how he worked double time trying to get promoted and raises and fucking over time to support Adam's jobless ass because fool as he was he believed the man could be a successful actor. How he gave everything for Adam and got nothing in return except false promises and more heartache.    
  
When Adam finally left, it was quiet.    
  
Jules was alone.   
  
The realization that this time it was forever, in relation to Adam, struck hard and a sob ripped through him. He held his head as he cried. Finally fucking cried. Felt his shoulders shake and legs give out. He sank to the floor in a ball of misery.    
  
At one point in their relationship he'd told Adam that no matter how miserable Adam tried to make Jules, he wouldn't let him ruin them.   
  
Guess he was a liar too.   
  
He sat there for what seemed like forever, knees drawn up, head between them, and hands pressed tightly on the back of his neck, until his eyes ran dry and his mouth tasted nothing but salt and snot. Then he leaned his head back and took stock of the apartment.    
  
The couch needed to go.   
  
So did the various pictures of himself and Adam.    
  
There was a condom wrapper on the floor, the used condom carelessly tossed beside it in Adam's haste.    
  
His eyes welled up again.   
  
By morning the apartment was cleaned and the evidence of his boyf-   
  
Ex's transgressions was gone.    
  
A neatly packed box sat next to the door and any sign that Jules had once again lost it while furiously cleaning was absent. The roses he'd ripped to shreds were shoved as far down as his trashcan would allow and the glasses he'd swiped off the counter were swept up and waiting to be disposed of in a safe manner next to the can. His hands were bandaged and he'd already ordered a new sofa, listing the old one online.    
  
Everything was in order   
  
Alyssa's number glared at him from his phone, right under Adam in his contact list. He wiped his nose and scrolled past that to his newest number, the name he never would have imagined lighting up his screen as he contemplated calling Sam Starrett. Then back up to Alyssa. And Adam.    
  
Alyssa answered on the second ring just as always. "Locke speaking." Her voice was thick with sleep and Jules realized he hadn't slept since boarding the flight in Jakarta. His silence must have clued his partner to check her caller ID because she was much more alert and worried when she spoke next. "Jules? Honey are you ok? It's 0500 what are you doing awake?"   
  
He could barely breathe but he still managed to choke out, "Adam left me."   
  
And then he just felt tired.


	2. American Zero

"Jesus, J, what the hell is this?" The euphoria of post coital bliss broke with the startled exclamation. Adam felt his throat tighten in panic and he didn't bother asking before switching on the bedside light. Jules groaned and squinted through it, clearly confused.

"What?" He half turned to his ex-possibly-no-longer-ex with a rather disgruntled expression but stopped once he felt Adam's fingers tentatively tracing his newest and quite possibly worst scar. Oh. That. He smiled and turned properly to pull the actor into a chaste kiss that completely contrasted what they'd literally just finished doing. And what he kind of felt ready to do again.

And again.

Possibly a third time.

As many as he could squeeze in before logic kicked his ass with its good buddy regret.

Adam wasn't so easily distracted however. When he pulled away he looked seriously concerned and Jules felt the familiar rush of affection that had always been present in moments like this. Genuine ones where Adam let himself be vulnerable, where he let himself care. Where Jules not only felt but knew he was the only one in Adam's eyes.

Just made it hurt that much more when the bastard had betrayed him.

Fuck but he didn't want to think about that right now. Tonight was about second chances not dwelling on past mistakes. Or ones in progress.

"It's nothing. Really." He shrugged, self consciously shifting so the blanket hid the matching scar that took up most of his left hip. "Just, ya know, perk of the job! Badass scars to make me look tough and manly." He grinned but it fell flat in the tension between them.

Adam was still staring, speechless. His heart was hammering against his ribs and guilt threatened to choke him. Even his eyes stung as the memory of those hard days, weeks, months where Jules would be OCONUS and Adam would be stuck at home, glued to the TV and News sites fearing the worst between correspondence reared its ugly head. Except the worst hadn't happened until after he left and fuck he knew it'd been bad but seeing the evidence...

And he hadn't even been there.

"The terrorist cell in San Diego, right?" That seemed to surprise Jules.

"Uh... yeah." He looked away, hand reaching up to lightly touch his shoulder. Their fingers brushed and even now sparks flew between them. "How...?"

It was Adam's turn to look embarrassed, but when Adam got embarrassed he drew himself up, put on an uncaring air, and tried as hard as he could to keep from expressing just how affected he was. Now wasn't the time for that though. He briefly looked away, gathering himself, and when he looked back he was relaxed again, a sheepish smile on his face and eyes showing nothing but concern. "I... I kept up with the news and when I heard the FBI was brought in I may have called Yashi as your... your boyfriend."

Fuck but that was low. Jules couldn't decide if he should feel elated that Adam had cared that much or unnerved and angry. Adam seemed to realize this and quickly switched gears, going from concerned to remorseful as Jules showed signs of moving away. He stopped being tentative and pressed his palm against the scar, feeling its bumpy ridges and tracing the knot where the bullet had hit him. Tears welled up and he didn't need to fake the warble in his voice when he spoke next.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Jules." Jules actually startled at the use of his name. "I should have been there. I was just so scared before and I made such stupid mistakes but-" His breath hitched and damn he was laying it on thick. Or fuck maybe he was being real for once. At this point even Adam couldn't tell. "That doesn't matter. I... my shit didn't matter. God you must have been so scared and you had to go through it alone."

Jules actually felt his heart swell at the show of emotion. Just as it always seemed to do when it came to Adam, everything else faded away. He pulled his boyfriend into his arms and he held him, forgetting the pain he'd caused, the lies and manipulation. The obvious red flags from the day screaming STALKER STALKER STALKER ALERT.

Adam refused to cry but god he wanted to. The guilt had graduated from choking him up to mashing his self loathing buttons repeatedly.

Because even with this, even with the unexpected surge of longing he'd felt at the sight of Jules, of love and regret, he was still planning on finishing what he'd come here to do. It was his chance at a big break, ok? He couldn't let that go. Not after all he'd gone through to get this far. And it wasn't his fault that Jules had looked so appealing with his pretty face set into a scowl and perfectly tailored suit accentuating his slight build. He had just planned on groveling. Asking. Begging even for Jules to pass on his resume, but with the man standing before him...

How could he have expected to want him back so strongly?

"Hush no baby, I was fine, ok? I wasn't alone. I had Alyssa and even cowboy Sam. We're friends now. He's a good one, too." Jules pressed a kiss to Adam's temple and felt more than heard his disbelieving snort. He couldn't help but smile at that. "Yeah it's a little weird isn't it? But it's true." He hesitates before speaking again, knowing just how weighty his next words would be. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

Adam stilled and Jules was terrified for a moment that he'd said the wrong thing. Then the actor looked at him and Jesus God his eyes were so clear and open and honest and fucking hopeful Jules stopped breathing. Of course the second passed and Adam carefully extracted himself from Jules's hold to sit up, staring down at him, still touching his scar.

"I hope you truly mean that."

"I do."

And Adam kissed Jules and Jules kissed Adam and they were done talking, done bleeding out, and they had a whole string of condoms to work through to make up for lost time.

 

* * *

 

 

He'd fucked up.

Majorly.

Like Adam had fucked up a lot in his life, and especially where Jules was concerned, but this? This was something he didn't think he could fix. Not as easily as he could have had it been several years ago when Jules was still in his pocket.

Still... knowing what the other knew about Adam...

“Oh, that’s nice,” he said. “Now I’m just a trick?”

The cold look thrown his way was like a slap in the face. Jules had never closed himself off with him like this, had never dared to use the actor's past in an argument. Even though Adam knew he was hurting, all he could see was forced nonchalance and the only reason he knew it was forced was because he knew Jules, and Jules was a classic bleeding heart romantic. God what had happened to his ex that had caused such a change?

That was a stupid question.

Adam had happened.

Jesus he was an idiot.

He should apologize. Go back to groveling. Follow his short lived shrink's advice and put his feelings and pride on the back burner. Show Jules just how wrong he was about Adam.

But Jules was gone before he could get up the nerve.

"Fuck."

Hopefully he'd get this gig and be able to spend every moment they were around each other winning Jules back.

 

* * *

 

 

J was in love. That kind of put a damper on Adam's plans at reconciliation. He was in love and didn't even seem to realize it yet. Jealousy and hurt swarmed inside of the actor and he could feel himself drop into attack mode.

Despite their earlier conversation, or perhaps because of it, Robin Chadwick didn't back down. He stood at Jules's side and actually talked for him, shooting scathing comments in response to Adam's attempts at talking. How was that not driving Jules insane? He was usually so adamant about being independent and taking care of shit on his own. But he just stood there, a haunted look in his eyes and nervous fidgeting that said he wanted to be anywhere other than here.

Maybe the 20 calls and messages had been over kill.

What could he say he panicked. He wasn't good at this whole sincere apology thing and had wanted to explain the other night ASAP before Jules worked himself into a frenzy.

Of course that panic was gone replaced by a competitive streak that had him trying to one-up Robin in the "I know Jules Cassidy way more than you do" department. Sabotage was something he was good at and the fear of losing Jules to Mr. Totally Straight meant taking the complication out of the equation.

It back fired.

But he knew where they'd be going tonight and there was no fucking way he'd let Chadwick spend the night alone with Jules, leading him on only to dash his hopes when the ruse got out of hand and his no homo shield activated.

God but Jules was smarter than that. Why would he get involved with something as messy as a repressed alcoholic?

Had Adam really messed him up that badly?

 

* * *

 

It hadn't been his plan to hit on Robin in front of Jules, seemed super contradictory to the whole get back together thing, and yet that's exactly what he did. Even after seeing Jules standing alone in the rain obviously forgotten by his so called date, something he'd seen so often when they were dating themselves, he couldn't help himself.

He told himself it was to show Jules just how much of a nonstarter anything with Robin would be, but fuck he couldn't deny that anger fueled most of his hook ups and there was enough alcohol in his system now to switch on the attraction. And man was he angry.

How dare this man who knew nothing about Adam or Jules or their relationship to each other just jump feet first into the fray of things. How dare he breeze past Jules and then act as if that was to be expected because the FBI agent was dressed appropriately in club clothes. How dare he lick his fucking ear and laugh because wow sure is funny to use someone as collateral in a feud against that someone's ex-boyfriend.

The irony of his anger at Robin's behavior towards Jules was lost on Adam.

He was already on edge just being in Big Dick's with his ex, hyper aware that it was a reminder of the beginning of the end of their relationship. Throw in drunk off his ass Robin Chadwick, muddled feelings of anger and lust and love, and they've got a recipe for disaster.

Jules stormed off through the crowd and Adam and Robin glared each other down, accusing the other of being at fault. Adam was ready to follow Jules, apology on the tip of his tongue, but Robin beat him to it.

And he had to watch from the entrance as Robin caught up with him.

He grabbed Jules's umbrella and fought back the ache in his chest when he realized he had no idea where Jules was staying.

That should have been him.

 

* * *

 

By the time Adam found Robin drunk and delirious at a bar, he'd given up on his aggression towards the other. What use was it in the grand scheme of things? Robin was just trying to look out for his friend and Jules clearly needed one if what he'd been hearing about the great Alyssa Locke leaving the FBI for some private firm was true. Adam was tired. God he was so tired.

He missed Jules.

He missed him so fucking much.

If he could turn back time and stick to his original plan, keep sex out of the equation until they'd had the chance to really truly talk, he would.

Woulda shoulda coulda.

He snorted derisively into his scotch and threw it back, relishing the burn. Scotch wasn't normally his drink but he just didn't feel up for drinking anything with a peppy name and brilliant color at the moment.

"Rough day?" The bartender knew him, fuck every regular in this club knew him, but Adam didn't feel the usual thrill at being known by peons rise. He just felt pathetic.

Still he slapped on his coy face and made sure to give the man a hooded gaze. "Rough month." Maybe he'd get a free drink if he camped it up enough.

The bartender, Ricky, a big hulk of a man with perfect hair and full sleeve tattoos, nodded in understanding, seemingly unaffected by Adam's attempt at flirting. Damn. He poured him another drink though and nodded off to the side. "Seems to be the running theme of the evening." Ah Ricky. Good ol' Rick. Never interested in Adam but always willing to point out a hapless soul who might be.

Adam followed his gesture and nearly choked on his drink at the sight of Robin Chadwick moping at the bar, listing to one side, and clearly trashed. He frowned, finished his drink, and mumbled a thank you as he left a tip and made his way to Chadwick.

Show, not tell, that he'd changed. Ok. How was taking care of his supposed nemesis and seeing him home? Would that work for you, Jules? Or would Adam need to quit drinking, quit sex, and become a god damn monk to be good enough again.

 

* * *

 

Yeah Adam was definitely an idiot.

He sat in his kitchen with his head in his hands and listened to Jules and Robin, trying to figure out how things got so out of control last night. Well that was obvious. Robin had kissed him in the cab and Adam, run ragged and desperate by his failed attempts at wooing Jules back, hadn't stopped him. He didn't protest when Robin suggested changing their destination to Adam's place and he sure as shit didn't turn down the plea to show Robin how to fuck a man. It was clumsy, messy, not very good at all really, but it was sex and if there was one thing Adam loved it was sex. After, while Adam half heartedly took care of his costar in the bathroom, they talked about Jules. About Hal and Jack. Ya know in the rare spots of time when Robin remembered that Adam wasn't Jules or Jack and he wasn't occupied with hurling.

Hell if there was one silver lining to the disaster of a night it was that Adam and Robin had finally found a way to turn their mutual dislike into something more productive. That is if Robin didn't wake up and decide Adam was a fiend for taking advantage of him or drop into no homo times one thousand.

It was always a toss up any time Adam took home someone not completely at terms with themselves.

Not that any of that mattered. It was just easier to focus on Robin than what was really bothering him. Jules. The fear that gripped him when he answered the door and Jules was on the other side was nothing compared to the utter contempt and loathing he'd found staring back at him, mirroring his emotions exactly.

He could tell Jules had been crying.

Well probably not crying but trying hard not to.

Knowing him he'd stopped and gathered himself, probably punched his steering wheel a bit, before arriving here. Anything to keep himself from going off the rails like he did the last time he'd opened a door on Adam and someone else.

God Adam was a fucking idiot.

"Your call time is soon, so I suggest you shower up and get moving."

Adam's head whipped up so fast his vision swam. He didn't expect Jules to speak to him. At all. His eyes were cold though and it was a day for opposites because Adam knew his were vulnerable and open. It takes him a minute to notice Robin slouched against the wall, dressed and still half asleep. He swallows. "Right. Thanks, J."

Jules's mouth tightened. "Don't. Just... don't." His cool facade slipped and he had to look down to keep himself in check. "God, Adam, you're smarter than this. I know you are. So what the fuck...?" He held up a hand when Adam went to answer, clearly not interested. "No I don't care." He inhaled, trying to steady himself again. "I'll see you on set."

And just like that they were gone. Adam was left alone.

Story of his fucking life.

 

* * *

 

When Jules said they were over, finally said the words goodbye, Adam felt... relieved.

He still burned for him, still longed to take him into his arms and have J tell him again how proud he was, how Robin was ok, how they would be ok, but it wasn't as intense as it had been since they broke up.

No.

Since they'd first moved from casual friends to lovers.

It was funny how all it took for Adam to finally realize just how bad for each other they were was a taste of his ex's every day life and one sentence. "Goodbye Adam."

Maybe what he'd been searching for this entire time with American Hero wasn't redemption but closure. A thing they both desperately needed to hang up their demons and move on.

Ah who was he kidding. He was fucking devastated. This serene, 100% ok with it, smooth walk into the light of day thing was bullshit.

Still he couldn't deny that he felt a lighter than before. Like he'd dumped a whole lot of baggage in the waiting room of that hospital. It felt like an actual break up, one with an end, not something that haunted him, following him around like a ghost shackled to his ankle ala A Christmas Carol. It hurt, it sucked, it took everything in him to keep from looking back at Jules as he walked away, but it wouldn't kill him.

All he needed was a few one nighters and a bar tab.

No. Not one nighters.

He wanted more than that.

God he wanted more than that.


End file.
